Monthly Archives: May 2013

Introduction to Touhou 14: Flandre

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“I went squeeze and it went boom.” – Flandre Scarlet

Within the basement of the Scarlet Devil Mansion resides a monster driven mad by half a millennium of imprisonment. Her insanity and destructive power ensures that she’ll only be seen by outsiders in times of crisis. Whether she’s the solution or the cause is a different matter altogether.

One of the most popular characters in the fandom, Flandre Scarlet is Remilia’s younger sister and many of the SDM’s darkest secrets revolve around her. Firstly, she’s completely deranged and can’t maintain a coherent train of thought for any length of time. In an interview with Aya Shameimaru, Flandre speaks incoherently and seemingly at random, suggesting the inability to communicate beyond a fairly childlike level. That said, she’s perceptive enough to make and pick up numerous references to Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None and to call Remilia out as being full of shit in her boasts.
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The Nine Hells of Anime Podcast Episode 24: Gundam 0080 – War in the Pocket

We get down to brass tacks straight away this week with a vigorous argument on the merits and demerits of Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket, an unusual entry in the behemoth metaseries renowned for its lack of angsty teenagers conveniently falling into giant robots to save the world. Instead, we have a cheery “boy meets enemy combatant” story that turns immensely tragic.

Hosts: NoMachineGunForHim, Ace, Moonhead, and Zaburai.
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Introduction to Touhou 13: Remilia

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“You know, the masters of the night with tons of weaknesses for some reason…” – Marisa Kirisame

Remilia Scarlet is a vampire and the head of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. While she puts on airs and attempts to play the role of a dignified aristocrat, this diminutive lord of the night is every bit as childish as she appears. This duality is reflected in how she names her spell cards, as half of them are powerful and threatening-sounding like “Queen of Midnight” and “Mountain of a Thousand Needles” while others sound completely moronic like “Remilia Stretch”, “Remilia Stroker”, and “Bad Lady Scramble.” While “Bad Lady Scramble” may have been an acceptable anime title in the 90’s, that shit doesn’t fly anymore.

Her fickleness and arrogance have caused or exacerbated a great number of incidents, the most well-known of which is the Scarlet Mist Incident in which she and the other residents of the SDM flooded Gensokyo with a thick mist so that she could walk around freely during the day.
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The Nine Hells of Anime Podcast Episode 23: Umineko no Naku Koro ni

This episode, we take on Umineko no Naku Koro ni (aka When the Seagulls Cry), the disastrous adaptation of the lengthy and popular 7th Expansion visual novel series of the same name. Will this anime’s outrageous antics and quotable dialogue compensate for its abominable pacing? As the Witches of Miracles and Certainty have decreed it, this podcast can’t possibly end well.

Hosts: NoMachineGunForHim and Moonhead

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Introduction to Touhou 12: Sakuya

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“The only thing I touch humans with would be my cold steel.” – Sakuya

One of the most well-known characters in the Touhou fandom, Sakuya is a veritable box of wonders including the ability to manipulate space and time, a seemingly limitless supply of knives, and an immensely controversial bustline. Formally, Sakuya Izayoi is the head maid of the Scarlet Devil Mansion and right hand woman of the vampiric mistress: Remilia Scarlet. While her title is head maid, she may as well be the only maid in the mansion as the rest of the cleaning staff consists of incompetent fairies. Who’d have thought that hiring whimsical, childlike creatures would make for poor productivity? I mean, there was the one time when they hired hobgoblins, but that went about as well as you’d expect. Fortunately for our industrious maid, however, she boasts the ability to stop time with her trusty pocketwatch, meaning she can take as long as she damn pleases to singlehandedly keep business running as usual. That and it’s difficult to keep an elegant character image while scrubbing toilets.

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Combined with her knife-throwing skills and manipulation of space, this time-stopping allows Sakuya to pause the action, surround people in a rain of knives that clearly exceeds her bodily volume, and resume combat to give her opponents virtually no time to react (a modus operandi that has elicited more than a few Dio Brando comparisons). Fear not, however, as this dangerous maid has one fatal weakness: knives cost money. Being able to store an infinite number of sharp objects is cool and all, but only if you can actually afford enough knives. I did a bit of math and given that silver knives cost an average of 15 dollars each and she can put out around 80 knives at once in the Lunatic mode version of her spell card Illusion Ghost “Jack the Ludo Bile”, each repetition costs 1200 American dollars. If you actively shoot her, she’ll only be able to repeat this process three or so times for a conservative total cost of 3600 dollars to use a single spell card. Continue reading

The Nine Hells of Anime Podcast Episode 22: Minami-ke Okawari

This week, we cover the sequel to the podcast-favorite and criminally underappreciated slice-of-life comedy Minami-ke. Will it live up to its predecessor or will it fail under a series of extremely questionable artistic, writing, and directorial choices? To its credit, however, this anime is the world’s greatest ramen commercial.

It lives!

It lives!

Hosts: NoMachineGunForHim, Moonhead, MexicanAnime, and Xane the Insane.

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